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We Have no Raccoons Today

            No raccoons were at the bird feeder this morning or last night. I guess the squirrels frightened them off because this morning when I looked out there were two fat rapacious ones eating their fill of black sunflower seeds that I recently purchased at Tractor Supply. Years ago the squirrels found every bird feeder we put up and immediately ate almost all the seeds. What they didn’t eat they scattered all around the yard beneath the feeder. It took them maybe seven minutes from the time we hung the feeders up around the house and outside the back door before they were hanging all over them greedily wolfing down the treats. It is as though they are lying in wait, lazily lounging in the branches, carefully eyeing us and waiting for the food to be put out. If you have ever seen sharks during a feeding frenzy, that is how it looked, except of course they are squirrels. 

            Before we moved up to Big Creek full time we kept bird feeders in numerous locations around the yard and house near the windows so we could observe the multitude of visitors that came to help themselves to the seeds. I always filled the feeders before we left to go home on Sunday afternoons so there would be food available into the following week for the birds. In order to outwit the squirrely little interlopers I kept the bag of extra seeds on the front screened in porch knowing that squirrels are pretty smart and had full run of the place when we were away in Jonesboro. We sometimes stayed in Clayton County for two weeks or more before returning to the cabin. I secreted the seeds in a covered basket so they could not be seen by the squirrels and felt confident that they would be there when we returned.

            When we came back after a week or two away I went out to check on the feeders and to replenish them with seeds. Much to my surprise the basket was empty of seeds and the plastic bag that held them had been turned into pea sized confetti blowing around the porch. Looking closer I realized that there was a squirrel sized hole through the screen wire about seven inches above the wooden lattice. Upon further inspection I found a second hole where the squirrel had gnawed an exit hole through the screen wire to make his escape. Apparently the furry critter was not as smart as I thought chewing two separate holes through metal wire when he really needed only one. Still I have to admit that since the squirrel wound up eating the entire bag of seeds and had accomplished his escape he proved that between the two of us he was the smarter. The only comfort I derived was the wear and tear on his teeth. But no! As I found out later, squirrels have teeth that are replenished from the root of the tooth for his entire life. That means that no matter how many times he chewed through my screen wire his teeth would be shortly replaced from underneath like beavers, ground hogs, rats and other rodents. This makes perfect sense because when you eat trees, like beavers you have to maintain healthy strong teeth. When you eat holes through wood, like rats and mice, you too have to have teeth that when damaged are soon replaced.

            Contemplating this dilemma over the years I have decided that if only modern researchers could isolate the gene that enables squirrels and other rodents to re-grow teeth as needed for their lifetime, splice that gene into the human genome, wow, can you imagine? Teeth that are replaced as needed without the aid of a dentist. So what if you get into a fight and get a broken tooth? No big deal as it will grow back on its own. So, I know what you are thinking, “What would be the side effects?” Well, for replaceable teeth I for one could live with a luxuriant coat of hair, beautiful brown eyes and maybe even a bushy tail, especially in winter.

tbd